i see the word manipulation get thrown around a lot in the bpd community and while thats understandable i just wanted to give you all a small reminder

 

things that ARE manipulation are things like

• never accepting responsibility for hurting others
• guilt tripping others to get what you want
• harassing others for not agreeing with you
• intentionally diminishing other’s problems/difficulties by comparing them to your own
• using other’s insecurities against them

things that are NOT manipulation include

• expressing negative emotions to someone when you are hurt or distressed
• not expressing emotions for the fear of bothering others
• disagreeing with others and explaining your side of things
• expressing your needs to those close to you
• not socializing due to lack of energy or spoons

 

unhealthy behaviors (such as bottling things up, ignoring your problems, etc) definitely make situations harder and are things that need to be worked on asap, but unhealthy behaviors are not automatically manipulative just because someone has bpd

 

throwing around the wrong words can be extremely counter productive in this community, especially when there is already so much stigma and misunderstanding surrounding this disorder (not to mention that carelessly calling people manipulative and/or abusive for small things can end up devaluing what abuse and manipulation really mean)

 

TL;DR: do your research and get to know the actual meaning of strong words before using them - words like ‘manipulation’ or ‘abuse’ are not for you to take lightly and use against people you just disagree or have a problem with